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An mature lady walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID.“You’ve got to be kidding,” she said. “I’m almost 60 years old.” The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. The lady showed her ID, then paid and told the bar- tender to keep the change. “The tip’s for carding me,” she said. The bartender put the change in the tip cup. “Thanks,” he said. “Works every time.”

Gladis picks up Madge at the nursing home and headed to the movies. She ran a red light and then another and Madge says “Gladis you’ve run two red lights – what’s up?” “Oh my goodness,” says Gladis, “You mean I’m driving?”